Ascending

The morning light had awakened me early, the red, hot glare of the desert and the wide-open sky beckoned me to come for a walk, to see and be seen by the creatures and spirits of this new place, to greet and converse with the stones and the cacti.... As I started walking, I found a piece of plastic blowing in the wind, picked it up and put it in my pocket, and tangibly felt the desert's gratitude and approval. ... And found myself at the base of a formation of about six rocks, and thinking how frightening and risky and dangerous it would be to climb them, there, in the morning heat, wearing my hiking sandals... thinking about how easy it would be to become water and flow with the current, up the stone, as if I were a mountain lion, or a nanny goat... Ascending the rock after some moments of communion, touching the surface, exploring the sensations in touching the rock, feeling the rock enjoying my touch in it's own quiet, rocky, stony sort of silent exhalation. And being granted permission to climb, to test my own limits and go through a piece of work to push me a little, with fear and risk and affirmations and new ways of looking at things... Whenever I would begin to feel afraid, I would chant to myself that every step I take is safe, the next step is safe. I would maintain my hold with three limbs, solidly, and allow the fourth to find the toehold or finger hold... I was moving slowly, almost a tai-chi meditation, in the flow, waiting patiently until the next move became clearly revealed by the stone itself... And when I looked at how high I had climbed, without thinking about it, suddenly, I was very afraid, visioning myself freezing like a deer in the light, needing to call for help to get down, a confused kitten gone too far up the tree... and so I got small on the rocks, low down and close to them, until I could smell them, and persuade myself to take one more step... all the way up, and then all the way down the other side, filled with profound gratitude....